A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain
pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase
ungodly amounts.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones (in
the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar
to the ones squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing
food) therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population
loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others.
Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very
high-pitched sound heard only by a select few of women known as
customers.
When played backwards on an L.P., the sounds are heard as chants: “Buy
Me”, “Cut Me”, “Sew Me”! In order to overcome the so-called feeding
frenzy effect that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when
entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into
their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a
fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!)
Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth,
helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human
population. They are called “Fabrics Store Clerks”. It’s also been my
experience that these same pheromones cause a pathological need to
secret the fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them
into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the
fabric is new, the reply is “I’ve had it for a while”.
(Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Caroline Quilters Guild Newsletter)
(I copied this from the
My Sister Quilts Blog.)
